wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
