just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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