Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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