i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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