but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i dont even know how to be here
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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