how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
