After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
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Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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