and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
