So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
