So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
