I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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