easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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