dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
