omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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