Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
