I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
