There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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