Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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