and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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