i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
