So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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