Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
