This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
