just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
