My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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