I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
