Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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