david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
