i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize