filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
