how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
