I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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