Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
