How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
