Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
