so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
