I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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