tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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