the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
