no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
