I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
