She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
