I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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