I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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