i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
