I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
