There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
