I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
