singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
