You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
