Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
