woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
