new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
