so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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