So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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