he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
