Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
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Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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