She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he thought i was a dude.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
