You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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