Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
His hands were made for my vagina.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
