i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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