suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
