Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
