Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
