My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
