If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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