True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize