Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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