ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
