I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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