i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she peed on how many people?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
