Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
