she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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