You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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