I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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