Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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