I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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