she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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