Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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