I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
