i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
