Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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