I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
