just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
