i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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